Allegiant II
by Elle Mariet
Summary: Alternate ending to Allegiant: Tris survives being shot by David, but due to her extensive injuries she remains in a coma for three and a half months. Four, left to deal with the aftermath has become dark and unhinged. With new secrets unraveling, can Four hope to survive in this new world, and will Tris wake up? Summary subject to change as story progresses / FourTris pairing.
1. Authors Note

_A note for the readers_

My fellow Divergent fans,

Coming from a huge bookworm and die-hard fan of this series I have to be honest with you: I was so disappointed in the end of Allegiant. Not only was I heart broken by the tragic (and quick _and_ stupid) death of Tris, but I was generally upset by the rushed ending and placement of all my favorite characters. As I closed the book I was left thinking, what the _fuck_ was that?  
It's not that I couldn't handle Tris dying - I feel like I have to clear that up so I don't get hate mail - if she died in a heroic, bad ass way I would probably be okay with it. But the whole lab rat-Chicago-genetics-shit, quick death (a gunshot wound, really?) and the floppy ending was so awful I felt we got jipped.

So I thought about it. And I came to the only conclusion I could come up with. I have to write an alternate ending or I will drive myself crazy.

* * *

_A/N:_ This is the ending everybody deserves. The ending that should have been given to us.

That doesn't mean Four and Tris will run into each others arms like nothing happened. No, we're taking off in the near end of chapter fifty-one in Four's POV. For those who don't remember what happens I will be including VR's direct line lifts until we begin, to make it easier on everyone.

Now some housekeeping before we begin.

* * *

_Disclaimer  
_

While I may be borrowing dialogue and direct scenes from the book, I do not own anything Divergent. All characters, original story line, all things Divergent belongs to Veronica Roth. I make no claims to her work, I just want to play.

* * *

_Writing  
_

\- POV's will be both Tris and Four respectively.

\- There will be a change in voices, mainly because I don't like VR's grammar and I feel like giving this a small change might be for the better. I will still write as close to Tris-voice and Four-voice as possible but don't hold me to it; obviously my voice differs from hers.

\- I know a lot of people weren't too big on VR using Tobias more than Four, (she even said she wasn't a fan herself ha ha) especially how he is still Four to Tris in the Divergent film. So I will be using Four more. And you will soon see why. Also, Four is sexy.

\- Books/Movies: I love the film almost more than the book so I will be basing this off BOTH, not one of the other.  
\- Book Four is 18 and Movie Four is 24, but we love Theo James don't we? So 24-Four will be the image you should associate this Fic with. He will still use (almost) the same voice as book Four though, so don't be discouraged so quickly.  
\- The same rules apply for Tris.

-Romance, yes. There wasn't nearly enough in the books/movies.  
-Lemons, who knows. I'm debating.  
-Death, I'm not spoiling anything.  
-New plot? Of_fucking_course.

* * *

_Warning_

This story will get dark. Why? Because dark is fun and makes your heart beat. I give this a mild M16+ for language, violence, adult behavior references.

Take warning now.

* * *

_And finally_

I'm not making any promises on chapters, because although I have a rough draft I'm not 100% sure how many chapters it will take. If all goes well, I may do a sequel. That's up to you guys.

Chapter lengths will be relatively lengthy and take heed, I love being descriptive. Nothing pleases me more than describing what I see in my mind to you can see it too. Something RV didn't do much.

Be brave.


	2. Prologue

ALLEGIANT PART II

* * *

prologue

TRIS

_"I've heard that sometimes a version of you must die before another more enlightened version can be born.  
I think that's true after watching the corpse of myself walk around. __― Julie Flygare_

* * *

_I died.  
I was at peace.  
I was ready.  
I was done.  
_

_How many times can somebody say goodbye before it's really goodbye? _

_I remember my mother, the face of serenity, reaching out her hand to me. I said goodbye and I meant it. I was so tired. Ready to sleep. Ready to see my parents again, to feel their embrace and hear them say how proud they are of me. Ready to let go of this world. _

_Goodbye Caleb. I hope you can forgive yourself someday.  
Goodbye Tobias. I hope you can forgive me someday. _

_I love you. I love you. _

_I close my eyes and everything goes white. Is this heaven? Mom, where did you go?  
I remember some kids on my street - in Abnegation, used to say when you die you see a white light, and then you go to an afterlife of happiness and peace. Is this it? Why am I alone? Why am I hearing my thoughts but I'm alone?_

_The white light clicks off like a switch. And everything goes black. Black? That's not right. Black doesn't seem... peaceful. _

_Mom? Dad?_

_Where are you?_

_How long has it been since I've been alone in the darkness? Years? Is Tobias married now? With children? A small feeling of jealousy creeps in and I almost miss it. Jealousy? That Tobias would be happy, without me? That's selfish, Beatrice. I scold myself. You are selfless now, remember?  
__Why would I feel such a human feeling right now. I'm supposed to be at peace._

_Wait._

_I'm dead. How am I able to think? If I were at peace, why would I be thinking? Feeling?_

_A shock of panic. __Realization._

_Am.. am I alive?_


	3. Introduction: Fifty-one redux

ALLEGIANT PART II

* * *

chapter fifty-one

FOUR

_"First I lost my heart. Then I lost my mind." ― J. Salvato Doktirski_

* * *

_note: I have made a small(big) change in the direct lift from chapter fifty-one, so reading it is strongly advised._

* * *

We drive past the fences and stop by the front doors, which are no longer manned by guards. We get out, and Zeke seizes his mother's hand to steady her as she shuffles through the snow. As we walk into the compound, I know for a fact that Caleb succeeded, because there is no one in sight. That can only mean that they have been reset, their memories forever altered.

"Where is everyone?" Amar says.

We walk through the abandoned security checkpoint without stopping. On the other side, I see Cara. The side of her face is badly bruised, and there's a bandage on her head, but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is the troubled look on her face.

"What is it?" I say.

Cara shakes her head.

"Where's Tris?" I say.

"I'm sorry, Tobias."

"Sorry about what?" Christina says roughly. "Tell us what happened!"

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara says. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she . . . she was shot. They don't know if she's going to make it."

Most of the time I can tell when people are lying, and this must be a lie, because Tris is okay, her eyes bright and her cheeks flushed and her small body full of power and strength, standing in a shaft of light in the atrium. Tris is still alive, she wouldn't leave me here alone, she wouldn't go to the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.

"No," Christina says, shaking her head. "No way. There has to be some mistake."

Cara's eyes well up with tears.

It's then that I realize: Of course Tris would go into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.

Of course she would.

Christina yells something, but to me her voice sounds muffled, like I have submerged my head underwater. The details of Cara's face have also become difficult to see, the world smearing together into dull colors.

All I can do is stand still—I feel like if I just stand still, I can stop it from being true, I can pretend that everything is all right. Christina hunches over, unable to support her own grief, and Cara embraces her, and

all I'm doing is standing still.

* * *

three and a half months later . . .

The room is dark when I wake up. The only light comes from the crack underneath the door that occasionally darkens when somebody walks by. I don't know how long I lay there, on the tiny cot that has become sticky with my sweat. Watching that tiny crack darken then glow again. There are no windows in this room. I think it was a storage closet once. But I don't care; I don't think I even remember what it looks like with the light on.

It's ironic how one of my fears has become my sanctuary.

I sit up, ignoring the nagging feeling to stretch, and leave the room in darkness. I've been living in the same clothes for three days now, I should probably shower.

I trudge down the hallway to the showers, not caring if I bump into anybody's shoulders. I have become cold . . . numb. I don't even know who I am anymore. Am I still Tobias Eaton? The 16 year old boy who sliced his hand and held it over hot coals, desperate to start again?

Nobody looks at me anymore. I can make it there without being given the slightest attention. The first week I barely left the storage closet I claimed. The stares were too much; every eye was on me. Wondering how I was holding it together, how I could no show emotion after what happened. How Four of Dauntless, didn't snap . . . but he did. It was only a matter of time.

The second after the words came out of Cara's mouth, "They don't know if she's going to make it" I felt the weight of the world crushing me. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe. I don't even know how I got to the side of the compound where the makeshift hospital is. I just remember seeing _her_, as I ran through the doors of the entrance. She wasn't even in a private room yet. They were still working on her in the middle of the floor, on a stretcher too big for her small body.

I took it all in; her tiny face covered in her own blood, her broken body in stripped clothes. The voices instructing one another, the clinking of metal tools; the sounds of the small team of doctors trying to fix her. Trying to keep her alive.

The opposite side of the compound wasn't affected by the memory serum, thinking about it now as I turn the hot water on I have no idea why. Caleb, Matthew, and Cara were on the opposite side. They weren't affected because of the counterpart inoculation serum, did they inject other people? In the short amount of time until I returned the serum's effects had worn off, but still. I let that thought dissipate as I step into the shower, hot water scalding my cold body. Somehow, the soldiers that went into the weapons lab were coherent enough to recognize injury and bring Tris to the hospital wing. Were they injected too?

I stared at her, frozen in time, as I watched her die in their hands. Tris. _My Tris_ was going to die. When the lost seconds finally caught up to me and I felt my legs unhinge from the floorboard, I rushed to her side.

"Tris! Tris!" I screamed, searching her face for any sign of life.

I was pulled back by small arms belonging to a female doctor with red hair and green eyes.

"You need to back off!" She said sternly. "Or you _will_ be removed."

"Tell me what's going on!" I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Don't cry, don't cry. "What's happening to her?"

She didn't answer, just stared at me. Oh God, Oh God. But before she could say anything somebody called out to her and she looked away from me. The second her eyes left mine I choked back the bile of reality.

"Four!" Christina called, running into the room full tilt with Caleb and Cara on her heels. I hardly noticed them reach me, looking around for something. My thoughts were overwhelming me.

Tris was going to die.

And I wasn't there. I wasn't there to protect her from _him._ The monster known as David was wheeled in, behind us. Still stunned by the serum to even speak. I was seconds away from killing him with my bare hands when I noticed what the others were looking for. To my right, the doctors were almost out of sight, wheeling Tris's stretcher away.

"Where are you taking her?" I cried out frantically, afraid of the answer. "Tris!"

When I was met with my own silence I bolted after them, grabbing somebody's arm – a doctor maybe – and whipping them backwards into my face.

"What are you doing? Where are you taking Tris?"

Another doctor, a man, yelled something over his shoulder then turned to me. Probably the one I grabbed. "We managed to extract the bullets from her but the damage was severe. We were not prepared for a surgery in the middle of the hospital, mind you." He took a breath. "We were successful in removing the bullet from her skull but there was-"

"Her _skull?_" I swallowed back vomit, and staggered backwards, putting my hand against the wall for support. Behind me I hear Christina wailing.

"Cerebral hemorrhaging or swelling of the brain." He dumbed it down for me, aware I couldn't possibly handle big words while I was trying not to throw up. "We won't know the extent of her injuries until we run scans, which we will be doing right now. Now please, stay here and out of the way. It's the best thing you can do right now."

"He's right, Four." Caleb said, face red from tear tracks. "It's the best we can do right now."

Anger filled my entire body in an instant, tingling and pulsing and radiating heat. My hands almost vibrated as I reached out and grabbed his throat. I snapped.

In one quick movement I had Caleb practically lifted off the floor and slammed into the wall. My hands squeezed his pathetic, skinny neck as my eyes, wild and deranged, locked into his. I was both too strong and too angry to register Christina and Cara pulling at me.

"The best _we_ can do? Are you _fucking kidding_ _me?_" I roared, forgetting Tobias and becoming Four. Quiet threats were beyond me. I was screaming. "_You_ were supposed to be in there, not her! You were supposed to die, and now she might!" Caleb didn't fight me, didn't try and breathe. He just looked at me, afraid. Always afraid.

I felt large hands encircle my torso and pull me back, hard but gentle. Amar struggled briefly but threw me to the side, away from Caleb who stood there, still not breathing.

"You let her die, you fucking coward! It was supposed to be you in that bed!" I hollered, throat burning, as Amar dragged me out.

The last thing I remember seeing was Caleb slide to the floor, sobbing loudly. Christina falling to her knees in front of him and Cara watching me get dragged away.

Just before I was out the sliding doors I turned to the direction Tris's bed was in, but it was already gone.

* * *

I stood under the water until my thoughts took over and I leaned my head against the shower wall, water pouring down my face, the heat almost too much to bear. _Tris . . . you've been gone too long . . ._

I spent the last three and a half months either in the closet or the hospital chair that has a dip from my weight in the material; where I've slept and stared at the girl in front of me.

Three months can really change a person's appearance. Her face is smooth, from the still expression. Not a crease in sight. She looks peaceful, the most peaceful I have ever seen her, which I realize is horrifically sad.  
The back of her head had to be shaved for surgery, where David's bullet entered. The hair, once shaved was fuzzy and short has now grown to the length it was when she cut it months ago during our stay at Amity. I didn't realize how fast her hair grew. The rest of her hair has grown too, passing her chin, almost half way to her shoulders, but still the choppy way she cut it. I wonder if she would like it.

The redhead doctor told me after all her scans and tests, after she was admitted to her own small bedroom, that she would live. It was at that moment I let myself cry. Not caring who saw my tears, I proudly let them fall down my unshaven face. My relief was short lived though. Christina grabbed my hand when she realized there was more to tell us. I found myself squeezing it back when I didn't think it could be half as bad as dying.

I was so wrong . . .

"Due to the extensive head trauma Tris suffered," She didn't bother using formalities here. I would rather hear Tris than Ms. Prior anyway. "The bleeding and swelling from the bullet and the fall to the concrete floor," Breathe, Tobias. Breathe. "I don't really know how to say this professionally, after everything Tris has done it seems ignorant and rude to speak of her like this."

She sighs. "Tris is in a deep sleep... a coma." Color drains from my face. "Before you feel helpless, let me tell you. The scans tell us that there is still brain activity, which is incredible and amazing. I've never seen anything like it before. Her chance of waking up is high and probable, it's just a matter of when."

"When? What do you mean when?" Cara asks but I feel like she already knows the answer. She's just asking for me.

"When her soul is healed. When she decides to."

* * *

The water is cold now. I turn the knob off and reach for a towel to dry myself off, trying to think of the last time I ate because my stomach is now screaming at me to fill it. I don't go to the cafeteria though, I almost never do. Usually somebody brings me food and I pick at it, or devour it, sometimes I don't even remember. I instead make my way to the hospital wing, the only place that makes sense being in.

When I walk through the doors to her room – it might as well be our room because I spend just as much time in there as she does – I remember the first time I visited her after being dragged out by Amar. She was cold, from loss of blood I imagine, but she is still cold. I wonder if her body will ever be warm again. I imagine it would be in my arms, but that day seems so far away I can't bear to think about it sometimes. Christina tells me to be positive, but I feel hope slipping through my fingers as each day passes and Tris doesn't wake up.

Its dark, to sit in front of my girlfriend and wonder if I'll be visiting her vegetated body every day for the rest of my life. Our lives… If time has changed her it's also changed me. I don't smile – not that I did much smiling anyway – I don't interact unless forced to, mostly by Christina. I don't live like I should. I'm too lost.

When I walk through the familiar doors and see her small body, thicker than before from all the liquids the hospital has fed her through IV's – she's probably eaten more in a coma than in her entire life – I see another body sitting with her. Not expecting me. Big mistake.

Caleb.

He avoids me as much as possible. I think I've only seen him twice since I almost strangled him to death and the blue-purple marks on his neck satisfied me in those two times I've seen him in passing. He fears me and I think I like that, I think I like being a wild animal, living in solitude with nothing to fear. But all fear me. I am dangerous again. I am Four, top of his class. Who almost lost himself to violence and fear sustained in anger. The Four before Tris.

Caleb still visits Tris, against my word. I forbid a brother from seeing his comatose sister, and I don't care. I know she wouldn't like it; if she forgave him for being a traitor and sacrificed herself for his cowardly ass she would want him to be near her. But I still threaten his life if he comes ten feet within the hospital wing. Maybe to spite both of them.

He sees me in the corner of his eye and almost jumps, eyes guarded and licks his lips. "Four- I didn't… I didn't think-"

I see his hand holding hers and my arm vibrates as I point towards the doorway. "Get. Out."

He scrambles out and I hear his sneakers squeak as he leaves the hospital. I turn to Tris, eyes softly closed and mouth open – there's a breathing tube in her throat, just as a precaution in case her body shuts down– and sit down on the edge of the bed and take her frozen hand.

"Tris." Saying her name hurts. "It's been almost four months. The doctor says your brain activity is getting stronger and talking to you could help you wake up faster. Sometimes I think… I think you don't want to wake up."

I have to look away and clear my throat. This feels stupid. "Amar is dragging me out of the compound at daylight. He was promoted last month to a staff sergeant. I'm going to the Fringe. They're still trying to start an uprising and it's getting worse. I'm going in his squad and they won't give me any details until we're there. I guess it's top secret. Amar thinks it will freshen me up but I think he's trying to recruit me."

The silence is deafening.

I get up and head for the door, suddenly feeling angry and selfish. "I hope you can hear me, Tris. I hope you worry I'll get hurt. Maybe I'll die."

I walk out of the room, immediately angry with myself for saying that. I don't want to die but I've thought about it. knowing there is still a chance she may never wake up, never smile again, never run, never _live_, it was enough to almost send me over the edge. I can't remember how many times I sat in the closet, in the darkness, falling apart. But if there's a chance she'll wake up I'll stay alive waiting for her as long as it takes.

One of us has to.


	4. Fifty-two

ALLEGIANT PART II

* * *

chapter fifty-two

FOUR

_i am forever alive / i hook my heart to my eyes  
__i reach from birth just to die / i keep the devil inside / i grow him in me  
_Oceana, "The family disease"

* * *

**_a/n:_** Please be advised, because Allegiant didn't exactly cover all the basics on the shit going down outside of Chicago(i.e. the Fringe), I'm forced to create with my own ideas and explanations for the remainder of this fic. That being said, this is all new territory for me. I'm going for an original American military approach because it fits in with my plot bunny perfectly. So hang on guys.

* * *

It was a long and bumpy ride to the Fringe, which gave me too much time to my thoughts.

_Too much time to worry about Tris and her broken mind,_ a little voice said. _No._ Today I would be selfish, I decided. I pushed Tris out of my mind and decided to focus on the Fringe.

I had brushed up on my knowledge while gearing up and learned that the Fringe is more dangerous than let on. I learned about a lot of the rebellion when I was with Nita months ago, so I was aware of the rebels wanting the Bureau of Genetic Welfare to fuck off and leave them alone; they didn't care about being pure or genetically damaged. They would also result in ruthless tactics if provoked.

The official report said the Bureau would send out troops of soldiers to patrol the area and gain intel on the destruction throughout the city. They were mapping and organizing and it was rumored they would begin rebuilding once the fighting ended. The unofficial report included using firearms to push back the rebels. There wasn't an option for them to overpower the Bureau so manpower was needed to keep that in check without drawing attention to other cities. The only clues I was given to our mission was to infiltrate one of the buildings the rebels used for headquarters. I didn't care enough to ask anymore questions or think about the answers. I dressed in a faded dark green army uniform that was thick and heavy with a bulletproof vest and climbed into the back of the large van like vehicle with Amar, George, and three other men.

We were each given an M16 rifle and a pistol. I was relieved to hold a gun again. In truth I was getting restless. As dark and anti-social as I had become in the last few weeks there was a nagging little feeling in the back of my mind that kept reminding me I was Dauntless and I wasn't acting Dauntless. But not today.

As we entered the Fringe I noticed through the window the air was thick and cloudy. Likely from a recent explosion. The terrain was in rough shape; roads and sidewalks ripped up and there was almost no grass due to the garbage that littered everywhere you looked. Buildings that were left standing were boarded up; paint faded and chipped. There was debris from the bombed buildings that crumbled over each other in a depressing state.

It was much worse than the streets of the factionless. This was true warfare.

"Hey, if you see a body, um, don't look at it." George didn't meet my eyes when he interrupted my thoughts.

He checked the clip of his M16 for the third time.

"Don't worry too much about that," Amar said, trying to lighten the mood. "And don't mind Georgie. He doesn't like coming out here."

"Who does? We're fighting over a wasteland."

"Wait, fighting over?" I asked. "I thought we were fighting because the Fringe rejected society and are rebelling against the Bureau?"

"We are. But when that's over what's going to happen to the Fringe?" Who's going to live there?" George cryptically asked me, one eyebrow raised knowingly.

"That's a conversation for another time." Amar finished. "We're almost to our destination."

There was a few minutes of silence until the van pulled to a rough stop and we lurched forward. One of the soldiers named Thomas swore at the driver and rubbed his head.

"Okay squad," Amar said, turning to look at me. "We're going to debrief Four before we head out. So our objective is inside a building two blocks west from here. We're going to enter through the roof and make our way to the top floor. There's three floors in total. Now we have intelligence that the building will be almost completely empty except for a few stationed guards on the bottom floor. The rebels have moved west and we have approximately 90 minutes to get in and out."

Amar pulled out a folded map from his chest pocket and pointed out our route and advantage points marked in red ink. I quietly appreciated the fact that Amar had not abandoned his Dauntless leadership skills and I found it easy to be caught up like the rest of the squadron.

"Four, you're going to accompany Georgie and myself to the top floor where you two will cover me as I go in the marked room."

"How do you know which room it is?" I asked curiously.

"Staff sergeant knows everything, didn't you know?" Ben, who was the soldier in the drivers seat, interrupted. He turned and grinned at me.

Thomas and Ben were twins with bright copper hair. The only way to tell them apart was by their facial hair; Ben had thick sideburns that took up most of the sides of his face and Thomas had a goatee and was missing one of his premolar teeth. They both had stubble which reminded me that I did too, and I wondered when the last time I shaved was.

Amar smirked. "Funny. Ben, you and thomas are going to be posted on the roof to guard our entry and exit. And Lucy, you'll take the top left advantage point with the sniper and keep watch of the ground activity."

"Lucy?" I was both stunned and confused when the soldier in the passenger seat who was keeping an eye on the outside turned to acknowledge me for the first time.

She had long sandy blonde hair - almost like Tris - but the left side was shaved completely off. Her face faintly resembled a cat and she gave me sly look. "Four."

"I didn't know there was a girl on the team, boss." Thomas said dramatically.

"Shut up, Tom." Lucy rolled her eyes. "That's not a problem for you, is it, Four?"

I shook my head. Me of all people would have no issues working with a girl.

"Good. Let's move out then, shall we?" George said.

* * *

Getting to the building took more time than I thought. We had to move slowly, and through back streets. There was a lot of pausing between each soldier moving to join the group. Amar always went first and motioned for the next to follow. We had earpieces but Amar made it clear nobody talked unless he said so. They used a lot of hand signals I was unfamiliar with so Amar used Dauntless motions for me to understand. I couldn't help but wonder why we were being so stealthy when the Bureau had soldiers patrol the Fringe daily.

When we reached the alley next to the marked building Lucy climbed the opposite building's iron rungs, sniper rifle slung over her back. I was thankful that we had an old fire escape and not a rusted excuse for a ladder.

I was second to make it to the top and Amar grabbed my arm to support me. I nodded to him and took a look around. There wasn't much to the roof except a small entry way for a door. Thomas and Ben took their positions while George broke the lock and I looked back to see Lucy settle down and situate her gun in place. Nobody spoke until Amar said so.

"Alright, Four, lets go." He said, directing me to follow him and George.

"Don't pretend like you're enjoying me here." I remarked sarcastically.

"How can't I? You're practically one of us."

"I wouldn't count on it."

"Yeah, well, we'll see about that." He winked at me and readied his gun and slowly walked down the stairs.

I followed last, gun in hands, watching their backs as they soundlessly made it into the run down hallway. The adrenaline pumped through my body as we passed closed doors. I wondered if anybody was inside them and a darker part of me itched to find out.

"Ground looks good." Lucy reported into our earpieces.

"Not as good as you, though." Ben snickered.

"Can it or I'll snip your ear off." She retorted.

Amar didn't say anything but I could tell he was smiling. "Almost there."

George stopped to join my pace and nodded towards the last door in the hallway. We were halfway there when a door on the right side casually opened and a man walked out, holding a similar gun and looked just as surprised to see us as we were him.

"What the fuc-" he started before aiming his gun and opened fire on us.

"Shit! Get back!" George yelled and elbowed me behind him and dragged me backwards into a room as bullets fired into the door casing.

Amar, who was further ahead of us took him out with one shot and the guard fell to the floor in a lifeless thump. We heard shouts coming from the floor beneath us and George cursed again.

"Lucy, we have guards here and they're awake! What's your status up there?" Amar yelled into the earpierce.

"Bastards are coming out from the north building, they must have had reinforcements. About ten, nope, fifteen."

"Take 'em out, twins."

"Aye, aye staff sergeant." Thomas said before I heard more gunshots go off.

"Four!" Amar came running into the room, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. "Get in that office room and hold it while George and I take out the oncoming."

I nodded and followed them out, watched them duck into the stairwell and heard the spray of bullets hitting concrete. "It's unlocked." I said, mostly to myself when I turned the handle of the door. I shut it behind me and moved to the window and leaned to look out.

"Are you surprised? The rebels have no need for locked doors." Lucy's voice told me. "I just picked off a few but there's some moving towards your window, Four. Watch out."

A stray bullet zipped through the window and past my head, shattering the glass. I leaned back and positioned my gun and fired out at them. There was a time when I would have turned my eyes away from the scene but this wasn't Chicago anymore. I watched as one of my bullets hit a guard and he collapsed to the ground. My brows furrowed when I realized I felt nothing. Another bullet zipped past me and I retaliated and emptied more bullets into guards below me. My ears ringing, I paused to take a breath and focus on my team.

I heard Lucy's calm and steady voice, Thomas and Ben's hoots as they rained hell on the guards from the roof, George and Amar in the stairwell taking down the oncoming reinforcements. And my own heartbeat pulsing in my throat. Somehow in the mess of things, I thought of Tris. If she were here. _But she's not,_ that little voice told me. _She's stuck in a hospital bed and ro-_

"Four. You're clear. The window is safe." Lucy's voice interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality.

"We're clear too." George said. "Just coming back up from the ground floor."

"Entering the room now." Amar said as he pushed open the door and hastily walked in, looking around for something.

For the first time I too looked around the room and took it all in.

It was just as run down as the rest of the Fringe, with cracked walls and faded wallpaper. An old desk with an empty bookshelf was on the far side and a ripped leather sofa faced the opposite side, next to me. Behind me was a wall covered in maps; maps of the Fringe and the surrounding areas of the Bureau. Was that why we were here? For the maps?

"Are we here to see what they're planning?" I asked, solely because I still had no idea what we were looking for.

"No, they don't leave anything when they move. They're too smart to keep their plans unattended."

"You call that unattended?" I stared in disbelief. "They all but raided us."

"Compared to their regular numbers, yes. We're here for that."

His eyes landed above my head and I turned to look up and see what he was looking at. It was an old flag, hung up on a rod attached to the wall. It was almost entirely covered in red and white stripes, except for the top left corner that was blue and covered in tiny white stars.

Everything then happened at once.

"A flag?" I asked, in both shock and disbelief.

"Stay out of the windows," Thomas's voice came in. "I hear movement below."

"Help me get it down." Amar came up beside me and lifted to pull down the corner. "Retrieving objective. This is golden."

"You brought us through a warzone for an old fucking flag?" I was yelling now, my unhinged temper flaring. "This isn't Dauntless's capture the flag, Amar!"

"Shut up, Four!" Lucy yelled. "You're attracting attention and I almost got him."

"Four, we'll explain later. Right now-" Amar was cut off by a gunshot that flew through the window and into my stomach.

And everything went black.


	5. Fifty-three

ALLEGIANT PART II

* * *

chapter fifty-three

FOUR

_put to rest what you thought of me / while i clean this slate / with the hands of uncertainty_  
Linkin Park, "What I've done"

* * *

_a/n: _This chapter is fairly long and choppy, mainly to keep the pace going where I want and flow on to the next chapter, and to explain everything that hasn't been brought up yet. I've been saving it all for this moment in Four's life that's going to determine the plot of this fic.

* * *

When I woke up in the back of what I figured was the van I was almost surprised to be alive. I couldn't remember the last time I had been reckless like that; falling out of the control I sought so hard to embrace. I really was unhinged at this point.

I kept my breathing steady and my eyes closed; I wasn't in any mood to converse and my head was pounding. Ben must have been driving because when we eventually came to a stop the vehicle lunged forward and I felt my entire body ache from the force.

I groaned in both pain and annoyance. This guy really needed to learn how to drive.

"Sorry, Four!" Ben called back to me.

"Hey, you're awake." George sounded almost as surprised as I felt.

"It would take more than a bullet to keep Four down." Amar chuckled.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Back at homebase. After you passed out Amar had to carry you out on his shoulder and I don't think that did your ribs any good." Lucy told me halfheartedly.

Oh right, I blacked out. I rubbed my throbbing head, "How exactly did that happen again?"

"You fell back and hit your head. Hard. You might have a concussion."

The irony was not missed. At least I didn't die on her, but we might end up being hospital roommates. The thought was almost sickly funny.

When I tried to sit up George pushed me back down with the heel of his hand. "Easy there, buddy. You shouldn't move much until they assess you. They're bringing a stretcher now."

"I don't need a stretcher." I told him flatly, trying to sit up again.

"It's standard procedure here. Not much you can do." Thomas said sympathetically.

"Don't worry, we wont tell _everyone_." Ben chimed in.

Lucy punched him in the shoulder. He grinned. I groaned again.

* * *

Although I would never admit to it if I lived for a hundred years, I was a little thankful I didn't have to walk the distance to the hospital wing. The pain wasn't unbearable but I was definitely going to be on light duties for a while, if I ever decided to anything, that is. When they took me off the stretcher the nurse gave me something for the pain so I was feeling pretty good by the time they were finished running tests on me.

I was laying on the too-small cot in the examination room, waiting for the doctor to come back with my results when Amar came in and quietly shut the door behind him. I knew he'd come for me, staff sergeant or not. He went easy on me in the truck in front of everyone but I knew him better than that; he was pissed.

I was in the middle of deciding what word would best describe how I felt when he interrupted. "Doc come back yet?"

"Nope."

"You know that was some lame shit back there, Tobias."

Fuzzy. That's what the word was. Fuzzy. "Do _not_ call me that."

He ignored me. "You're lucky you were wearing a vest or you'd be in a God damn body bag right now."

I lolled my head to the side to get a better look at him. "But I'm not."

He clenched his jaw and bore his eyes into mine. "Is that what you want? Do you think that's what Tris would want?"

_Tris._ "Tris doesn't even know what Tris wants."

"What's that supposed to mean, Four?" Amar sat down on the stool next to the bed. "Just _how much_ morphine did they give you?"

"Enough. You know what the doctor said. Tris will wake up when she's ready. And it's been almost four months..."

He looked away sadly, and I found myself angry. I leaned up on my elbows. "Don't you get it? She doesn't want to wake up."

Before Amar could figure out what to say the doctor strode into the room, looking over charts on a clipboard. "Ah, feeling better now Tobias?"

"Why does everybody keep calling me that?" I demanded as I flopped back onto the cot, mostly to nobody.

The doctor laughed and took a seat opposite Amar before clearing his throat. "So, the bad news is you fractured two ribs and have a minor concussion."

"And the good news?" I asked sarcastically.

"You have no internal bleeding, and will make a speedy recovery. Now there is some pretty bad bruising but that will heal also. I'm going to prescribe you with some pain meds for the time being and you'll have to take it easy for a few weeks; so no gallivanting off to play war hound."

War hound? What a dick. "Aye, aye."

The doctor nodded, checked off a few things on his clipboard and stood up. He spoke to Amar briefly then left to fill my prescription, leaving me alone again. I let my mind wander to what Amar had said earlier and wondered what Tris would think if she knew how reckless I had been. She would no doubt be hypocritically angry with me, much like she was when I helped Nita blow a hole through the compound. She was only a few hallways down from where I was, maybe I could sneak down there and ask her. I almost laughed when I realized I'd be asking a comatose patient questions like they could hear me. Tris wouldn't hear me though; she got what she wanted. An eternal sleep and me stuck dealing with it.

"Four." Amar said and I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought. What was he still doing here?

"Yeah. Still here."

"When that shit wears off we need to talk about earlier."

Oh, right. I had almost forgot. The whole reason I was injured. "The flag."

"Yes, the flag. General Avus has agreed to meet with you, when you're back to normal."

"I didn't ask anybody to meet with me." I said, confused. Who was General Avus?

He stood up and walked out, calling over his shoulder, "You didn't. I did."

* * *

I don't know how I got back to the closet or when I fell asleep, but when I woke up my head was clear. I sat up slowly and looked around. This room really was tiny.

There was a glass of water next to a small plastic pill bottle with instructions labeled on it. A note was stuck underneath the glass and was wet from condensation. I must have been really out of it when I was brought back in here. I've probably been asleep for hours.

I gulped down a couple pills with the entire glass of water and looked down at the note.

_Four,_  
_Come to the west wing when you wake up. The guard will know who you are._  
_\- Amar_

I crumbled the note and tossed it behind me, to the back corner. The old parts of me that were still there didn't like being_ told_ where to go, by anybody. If I were still in Dauntless I would never be spoken to like that. I wasn't a leader, but I was well respected and ranked high. Here I was a nobody, at the bottom of the food chain just like Abnegation.

_Hell_ no. I wasn't going back down that road. Tris or not, I wasn't going to sink to the level of the scared little boy who didn't know how to fight back. I punched Marcus in that cafeteria for a reason; I was _not_ to be fucked with. I was _not_ weak. I am _not_ Tobias, I am Four.

"You got what you wanted, Amar." I said as stalked out the door towards the west wing.

It wasn't hard to find. Actually, it was the most heavily guarded side of the compound since Tris set off the serum. Strictly military personnel only but somehow, I was an exception.

The confidence must have shown in my stride because as I neared the corner to the entry way the two guards who stood in front of the door nodded to me and moved aside.

"Four?" The tallest one asked.

"That's right." I said and walked through the doors.

It was true, my name _was _powerful. The last three and a half months of my intentional emotional solitude was probably only allowed because of who I am. The more I became clear in my own head the more I realized just how convenient this whole day had been for me. Just how many strings did Amar have to pull to get me in on a mission I wasn't even remotely involved in?

When I got to end of the hallway, I was escorted through a couple doors and into a giant room. A circular table took up most of it, with computer screens along the walls and people sitting at desks in front of them, furiously typing on keyboards. Amar sat at the table with other military officers I didn't recognize and he motioned for me to join them. Just who were these people?

"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded.

Amar and another man, the one who sat at the front of the table, stood to greet me. He was older and tall, a bit overweight in the gut and dressed in the same green uniforms as the rest of them. He had grey-white hair and thick mustache and one of his thick eyebrows was permanently raised from a scar.

"Welcome, Four." He extended a hand to me. "I'm General Archibald Avus."

I shook his hand and nodded, then looked to Amar for answers.

"The General has taken command of the Bureau, David and the other leaders have been... relieved of their services."

"Taken? You mean forcefully?" I clarified.

"Well, just how much force does it take to overthrow a wingnut who was injected with memory serum along with the rest of his circus freaks?" The General chuckled.

"You seem very proud." It was more of an observation than an insult. I was using Tris tactics to gain some information on this new leader. I wondered if she would have been proud of me but pushed the thought back into my mind for later. This was business.

"Somebody had to do it, son." He told me. "This country needs leaders with sharp minds that has the best interests for everybody."

"Everybody? So that means-"

"The Genetically Damaged and Genetically Pure experiments are finished. That load of garbage is ending all over the country as we infiltrate the other cities. It's time for science to take a break and let humanity take over. We're turning this boat around and going in the right direction. Here, have a seat, Four." He sat down himself and pointed to the one empty chair in the room.

I sat down and took a deep, slow breath and relaxed into the chair. The rest of the officers stayed silent as they waited for their commander to speak.

"Now," The General continued. "I've been informed that you've been having a rough go the last couple months."

I stiffened.

"That being said," Amar said carefully, realizing my sudden tension. "You're out of the loop with everything that's been going on."

Huh. I hadn't even thought of _that_. I'd been so wrapped up in my misery and Tris I dropped off the social spectrum. "You're right." I said slowly. "I have no idea whats going on." Nor did I care to even ask for the last few months.

"And we've let you grieve and fall into your own routine, we haven't given you any updates on anything or allowed any visitors-"

"Visitors?"

"Yes. You knew you mother had tried coming to see you." Amar said.

Evelyn. My mother. The last time we spoke I had risked it all to end the fighting between the Factionless and Erudite. She had chosen me, and there was a promise of peace to come. That was before... I came back to the compound with Christina.

"I told you I didn't want to talk to her. Or anybody."

"And we honored your request. She has been... persistent, but we've managed to hold her off." The General said thoughtfully.

I wondered how well he knew my mother now.

"And your friends, most of them returned to Chicago for the time being."

I felt as though I had just woken up from being comatose myself. It was like I had forgotten everything and everybody in my life except for Tris. She had been the sole reason for my misery and yet the only thing that mattered. I'd cast away our friends, shunned her idiot brother and my mother and lived in an exile. I felt sick and dizzy, like I had been underwater too long. I closed my eyes on focused on breathing. I would not lose control anymore.

I could hear the General shifting uncomfortably. I really did make people nervous.

"Give him a second." Amar whispered.

"I thought you said he was back to himself. I can't have nervous loose canons on board-"

"Just give him a second, sir." Amar repeated.

"I'm fine." I said cooly and opened my eyes. "Yes, I remember Christina and Cara went back to Chicago. How are they?"

Amar looked satisfied but the General was not so convinced. "They are with their families. Chicago is now a construction zone; we've begun repairing the city and there is lots of work to be done. Jobs are being filled and the people are settling into a normal routine." Then he added, "Without factions. Your mother sits on the new council that has been made to govern the city. It has proved to be too dangerous to let one person lead, so we've placed people from the Bureau to help... organize things.

"We have also begun taking over other cities that were subject to testing. Our plan is to rebuild from the ground up, and bring the country back to what it used to be. The days of being confined is over, freedom will be given to those who are deserving. You will be able to decide on your own where you live and what you do. This is the way of life that was lost to us years ago."

My expression must have given away my emotion because he half smiled under his floppy mustache. "Amar has informed me that much of the history you learned when you were a student before the faction choosing ceremony was small, pointless tidbits. The real history was hidden from you and in turn, you've been robbed of your patriotism. We're going to put a stop to that also.

In time, there will be new schools and a new learning curriculum. The factions are dead, and they will not be smudged out like a stain. We plan on teaching the basics of it to remind people that there was a time when humanity had been lost, and scientists ruled. But only to insure that we will prosper. Our only issues at the moment are the rebels of the Fringe. They're fighting against us because they reject this new lifestyle. Mostly because of that idiot and his goons experimenting and classifying people as damaged or pure. They want to live like damn pirates and govern themselves."

"So why don't we let them?"

"Because history has taught us that allowing them to live by their own rules will ensure their numbers and they will overtake us. We don't want anymore war, so we're ending this one by the only way left: force."

He gave me a few minutes to take it all in, waiting for me to say something. So, I asked the least obvious question that wasn't answered. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because, Tobias Eaton of Marcus and Evelyn Eaton, I have learned a lot about you in the past few months. You and Beatrice Prior. The end of the Faction days and the beginning of a new era has you two to thank. I like you, kid. You're a soldier and you don't even know it yet. I want you to join the Special Ops Team. Under Amar's guidance you could make an excellent sergeant someday."

A deep breath. "And the flag? I almost died trying to get it. What was the point in that?"

"That flag represents the lost country and the guidelines the people lived by. Those idiots in the Fringe knew that and were trying to use it as their banner. Taking that flag from the rebels sends a strong message: We are not brassy scientists anymore. We are the people of the United States of America and the star spangled banner will live on. They will join us in this new world or die."

* * *

The first thing I did when I left that room was beeline for the stairwell and run up to the roof. I all but kicked the door open and took in the biggest breath my lungs could handle when I stepped outside.

Holy shit.

The second thing I did was make my way to the hospital wing and into Tris's room. She was right there where I'd left her. The beeping sound of her heart monitor and the breathy sound of the oxygen tank was somewhat relaxing. I paced around her head and ran my fingers through my hair.

I took a few breaths and told myself to focus on the things I knew:

David was probably rotting in a jail cell like a vegetable.

Amar has teamed up with an old man on a mission to Americanize the country.

Said aforementioned wants me to join a Special Ops Team.

Christina and Cara are back in Chicago with the rest of my friends, rebuilding their lives.

My mother wants to see me.

Beatrice Prior is rotting in a hospital bed like a vegetable.

"Tris." I said as hard and Four-like as I could. "I can't do this. I can't do this by myself."

I stopped pacing and slumped onto the bed, and looked at her. "You don't want to ever wake up again, do you?"

I waited. Waited for an answer I already knew. Seconds ticked by on the clock that hung above her head. How could I join a military and serve America, fight the rebels and rebuild Chicago, rebuild the world? All my confidence had drained and I found myself dark and twisted again. And angry.

"Fuck, Tris!" I jumped off the bed. "How can you just leave me here to do all of this on my own? How can you give up on us, on me? How are you that selfish!"

No answer. I sank down to the floor on knees, ignoring the pain in my ribs and leaned my head on the bed, tears welling up in my eyes. I balled my hands into fists and sobbed into the blankets.

And then I heard something over my cries that hadn't changed in three months and 22 days. The heart monitor.

I lifted my head and looked up at her. Her face looked as sullen as it had always been. I was beginning to think I was hearing things when I saw her hand twitch. Not by much, if I had of blinked I would have missed it. I sat up straight and stared wide eyed as the heart monitor picked up faster.

Standing up and backing away, my heart beating just as fast as her own, too stunned to react, I turned to see a nurse walking in casually to get Tris's charts. She paused, looked at me in equal shock and bolted out of the room yelling for help.

"Tris?" I crept closer, my entire body going numb. "Tris?"

Her eyebrows twitched once and then the most beautiful eyes I thought I'd never see again opened wide.

My entire body recoiled as if I'd been slapped and all I could do was stare, mouth slightly open. She immediately started to panic, the tube still jammed down her throat. A team of doctors ran in at that moment and tried to hold her down as she struggled to move. A nurse reached down to stroke her hair, trying to calm her down, but Tris, my Tris reached up and slugged her in the side of her face, eyes wide in terror. Remembering how to breathe I screamed her name.

She tried to sit up and looked me in the eyes, still in a panic as the doctors tried to take the tube out.

Our eyes met and mine became blurry with tears. "Tris."

Suddenly I was being pushed out against my will. "What are you doing?" I demanded as the door was shut in my face. And when I heard the tiny click of the lock I snapped. My entire body shook and I unleashed every ounce of strength I had left from my injuries as I kicked, punched, beat my hands bloody on the metal door. Like a wild animal, separated from it's injured mate I was reenacting a familiar scene from four months ago.

"Hey! What are you doing to her? Let me the fuck in!" I screamed myself hoarse. "Tris! Tris!"

Two pairs of large hands grabbed me and pulled me back and I elbowed back into somebody's face. "Get off of me! Tris!"

"Sedate him!" Somebody yelled. "Security! Guards!"

I felt the prick of a needle in my neck and spun around, punching the injector square in the jaw. They all backed away from me and watched for a few seconds before it started taking effect.

"No... Tris..." Was all I got out before the doctors grabbed me and I closed my eyes.


	6. Fifty-four

ALLEGIANT PART II

* * *

chapter fifty-four

_"where i've become so numb / without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold / until you find it there and lead it back home"_

Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"

* * *

FOUR

* * *

The left side of my face was cold from the tiled floor. Whatever they shot me with made me feel groggy and weak and I kept kept my eyes shut as I slowly regained consciousness. I was a master at the Dauntless's simulation serum and I knew how to come off it properly, but I had never experienced being sedated before, so instead I focused on the sounds around me to distract me from the feeling of wanting to sleep.

Quiet chatter of nurses and doctors talking. Feet padding across the floor to check on patients. Clicking of keyboards and scratches of pencils against paper. And two dipshit security guards trying to decide what to do with me.

"So what do we do with him? He can't just lay on the floor."

"Obviously not. Let's put him on that bed over there."

"Isn't this guy kind of a big deal? Aren't we going to get in shit for knocking him out?"

"What other choice did we have? He would have killed us all trying to get in there. He almost punched my face in half! Guy's a freak of nature. Grab his legs and I'll get his shoulders."

"Don't you fucking touch me." I growled opening my eyes and looking up at them.

Their eyes widened in shock and they backed up. "How- how are you awake?"

"Because you clearly didn't use enough of the sedative." My head hurt. "Did you just let me fall on the floor after you tagged me?"

The skinnier one put his hands up in defense. "Hey man, look, the doctors gave us the needle. If you're going to be mad at anybody be mad at them."

I stood up and shook my head, still feeling the effects of the sedative. "How long was I out?"

"About twenty minutes." The shorter one said nervously, rubbing his swollen eye. It was starting to turn black.

The skinny one gave me a guilty smile. "Hey, I think your girlfriend's okay though."

His partner nudged him in the ribs and looked at me cautiously. "But you're going to have to wait to see her."

"Like Hell." I scoffed and turned away from them towards Tris's room.

Behind me I heard one of them say "Well, we tried. Can't get in shit now." and rolled my eyes. No wonder they were posted in the ICU of the hospital wing. While the real fight was going on in The Fringe these morons were patrolling a hallway full of vegetables.

As I rounded the corner next to Tris's room I ran into two doctors standing outside her door talking. They looked at me like I was the last person they'd expect to see and the fear and shock in their eyes made my ego swell.

"Next time you want to knock me out with tranquilizers, use a higher dose." I said proudly.

"Duly noted." One doctor said, narrowing her eyes at me, fascinated.

I hated how these doctors looked at us like we were lab rats. If David was still under control he'd probably have me locked in a glass tank being studied. Suddenly the door to Tris's room opened all the way and another doctor - a short woman with dark hair and eyebrows who I was sure was her primary doctor - came out and shut the door behind her. She looked more impatient and annoyed than fascinated.

"It was meant to relax you until we got Tris under control." She said. "Not all patients wake up peacefully after being in a coma for months and you in there screaming like a wild ape was just making it worse."

Her words caught me off guard and I tightened my jaw, a little embarrassed. "Let me see her." I said quietly but firmly. I was getting in that room no matter what.

"You can have a few minutes, but then she needs rest. I'll be right out here." She said and then moved out of the way.

I opened the door and walked in - heart pounding in my chest. There was a nurse in the room adjusting her IV bag. She gave me a small smile and walked out behind me but I paid no attention. I had been waiting for this moment for almost four months. Desperate to hear her voice and have a conversation with her. To yell at her for her stupidity and ask her what the hell she was thinking going into the death serum instead of Caleb, even thought I already knew the answer.

She lay in the bed on her side, with her back to me. I stared at her for what seemed like hours; watching her body rise and fall with breaths she was taking herself. Not comatose anymore. Alive. Awake. Conscious. It took every ounce of control I had in my body to remain still and calm. Registering the thought in my mind over and over again.

_Tris is awake. My Tris is awake._

I walked around the side of the bed and looked at her, fighting tears from forming in my eyes. Her faced was flushed pink, and she had her eyes closed. Her face looked concentrated, as if she was trying really hard to sleep. My brows furrowed as I knelt down to her and I licked my lips. "Tris?"

I counted ten seconds and then she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"You're awake." I said out loud, afraid if I didn't it wouldn't make it real. "Tris, you're here."

Overwhelmed, I sighed with emotion and relief. I sat up and perched on the edge of the bed and grabbed her hand. It was warm. I tried to pull her up into me but her arm tightened and she held herself down. Still looking at me with her brows pulled together.

"Stop it." She said, trying to pull her hand away.

"No, it's okay, Tris. You're alive." Instantly frustrated with her. I tried to pull her again and she sat up but away from me. She pulled her hand out from mine and balled it into a fist at her side.

"I said stop it!" She said louder.

The heart monitor started to pick up and realization dawned on me.

_Of fucking course._

Tris's face looked confused first, but when she looked back up at me and saw my expression, I saw fear in her eyes. She was scared of me? Did my face change that much in three months? But I didn't care right now. I was too angry to care about her feelings.

"You _would_ be pissed that you're alive, wouldn't you?" My jaw clenched. "How fucking typical."

Her facial expression changed to anger instantly. She still didn't like being yelled at. Good. This should be interesting. I've been waiting for this fight for months. She glared up at me, anger and confusion in her face. But nothing could have prepared me for what she said next.

"Who the Hell are you?"

* * *

TRIS

* * *

_Darkness... All I feel is darkness._

_How long has it been since I've been alone in the darkness? Years?_

_This isn't heaven. __All I see is darkness._

_Tobias?_

_Is Tobias married now? With children? A small feeling of jealousy creeps in and I almost miss it. Jealousy? That Tobias would be happy, without me?_

_That's selfish, Beatrice. I scold myself. You are selfless now, remember?_

_Why would I feel such a human feeling right now. I'm supposed to be at peace._

_Wait._

_A shock of panic._

_I can't breathe._

_No, maybe I just think I can't breathe. __I'm dead. How am I able to think? If I were at peace, why would I be thinking? Feeling?_

_Am I not at peace? The darkness- n__o. I see light. It's getting brighter. _

_Still can't breathe. _

_Panic. I feel like I'm falling. _

_I can't breathe. _

_Realization._

_It's so bright. _

_Something is caught in my throat. I can't breathe._

* * *

When I opened my eyes I was blinded by the sun. My ears were ringing and my entire body ached, like I had been hit by a train. Was I? Did I fall asleep on the roof again? Sometimes when I needed to think I would lay on my roof under the warmth of the sun and drift off. I blinked a few times and tried to look around but my neck was stiff. When my eyes adjusted I realized it wasn't the sun. It was bright, fluorescent light bulbs above my head. And the ringing in my ears was now a loud beeping sound. And my throat- my throat!

I started to panic, ignoring the pain and twisting my head around. I'm in a hospital. Why? What happened? I see a man - a little older than me - standing by the door of the room I'm in, staring at me. His mouth is wide open and his eyes are fixed on mine. Who is he?

I start choking and reach up to my mouth, there's a tube in it. In my throat. I feel vomit trying to come up and I'm trying to scream. The beeping sound I realize is my heart monitor.

Doctors suddenly run into my room, grabbing at me, trying to take the tube out of my mouth. I'm thrusting against them - let me get it out myself! I try and say but I can't speak. A nurse starts rubbing my head trying to calm me down, and without thinking I reach up and hit her as hard as I can in the face.

She launches back and a doctor tries to grab her. Who are these people? I try and sit up and the man in the room starts screaming.

"Tris!"

He's looking at me with tears in his eyes. Tris? Nobody has ever called me that before. Does he know me?

I try sitting up but a doctor firmly pressed me down and with a quick swipe the tube was pulled out with a wet slippery sound. I take a huge breath of air and it hurts my lungs.

More doctors come running in and start dragging the man out as he's screaming and still looking at me.

I feel tears well up in my eyes and I start to cry out but it comes out as a hoarse whisper. "What's happening?"

"Relax, Tris. You're alright." A nurse says to me.

"Why are you calling me that? Where am I? Where's my mom?"

The door slams and I look over as a security guard dressed in green locks the door. The screaming man starts smashing the door trying to get in, and find myself crying harder. My head hurts so much.

"Get off me! Tris!"

Suddenly the screaming stops and all I hear is the monitor.

"Tris, I'm going to give you something to relax." A brown haired doctor says as she pops a needle into the tubes jammed in my veins.

"My name is Beatrice! Please don't!" I shout, but she's already shoved a clear liquid into me. A wave of calmness washes over me and I lay back down feeling submissive and defeated.

"Okay, Beatrice. My name is Amy. I'm your neurologist. Are you feeling okay now?"

I slightly nod.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Not anymore. I feel like I'm floating."

Amy smiled.

* * *

_I'm sitting at my kitchen table, peeling potatoes with my mother. The sun has begun to set and the orange glow illuminates the room as the little light bulb attached to the ceiling happily glows with it. I can hear my father and Caleb in the living room talking about school. One of them laughs - I'm not sure who - their voices sound similar now that Caleb is older._

_My mother smiles at me and goes back to chopping vegetables._

_"Beatrice?"_

_Who's that? I look at my mother. _

_"Beatrice." _

_Who's talking to me?_

_"Beatrice." _

I slowly opened my eyes. I'm in a small room. The hospital. Amy and a nurse are standing over me, concerned expressions on their faces. When I blink a few times they relax. The nurse goes about fussing over my blankets and monitors. A steady beeping now. Amy pulls a small flashlight out of her white lab coat pocket.

"Good. You're awake again. Can you stay awake this time?"

"Yeah, I think so." I shake my head and sit up.

"Easy, easy. I want you to follow my flashlight with your eyes okay?"

I nod and she shines it in my face, I stare into it and watch it as she moves it around. She nodded to herself and gave me a smile.

"Excellent. Squeeze my hand." She takes my left hand into hers.

"Good. Now you're right."

I squeeze back. Her hands are warm in mine. "What happened to me?"

"What's your name?"

"Beatrice Prior. Can you tell-"

"Beatrice, I'm going to ask you a few questions."

"Please tell me what's going on!" I start getting angry.

"Just answer me a few questions and then I'll tell you anything you want to know. What's your name?"

I start to say my full name when movement to my left catches my eye. I look at the window in my room with the blinds half open and see that strange man walking by. I slightly gasp and Amy makes an annoyed sound with her mouth and gets off the bed. She makes eye contact with the nurse who purses her lips.

"He's not going to give up so easily. The boy's been in here every day since she arrived." The nurse said, adjusting my IV bag.

Every day? How long have I been in here? I can see him out the window in the wall in front of me - he's arguing with a doctor outside my door. Amy looks over at me and sighs.

"Okay, fine. Tris, we'll finish this examination in a moment. I'll let him in."

Let him in?

She went outside and I can see them talking through the blinds. She's going to let him back in? My face turns red as I look at him. He's handsome - with dark features and an angular jawline. Tall with brown hair that swoops a little. I feel myself blushing. He's trying to see me? I hear the doorknob start to turn and I turn over and close my eyes tightly. Feeling more like a little girl than I ever have.

I hear him breathing as he stands there behind me. The sedative Amy gave me was wearing off and I knew I'd start panicking soon. Footsteps. He comes around the side of the bed, I hear him breathing deeply.

"Tris?" He says, his voice calmer and deep.

I decide to open my eyes and look at him. He smiles at me and runs his fingers through his hair, staring at me with wild, emotional eyes. I turn my head and keep looking at him, trying to remember him. I must know him. He must know me well if he keeps calling me Tris. Maybe he'll give me some answers. Before I can say anything he grabs my hand and I freeze instantly at the touch.

"You're awake." He says and tries to bring me into him. "Tris, you're here."

"Stop it." I blurt out, trying to pull free.

"No, it's okay, Tris. You're alive."

_I don't know him, I don't know him!_ I yell inside my head. Who is this stranger grabbing me?

"I said stop it!" My eyes widened in surprise at myself.

Abnegation is not supposed to get angry and yell. And yet here I am, proving once again to myself that I don't belong. The heart monitor started to pick up, mimicking my heart beat as I started to freak out - whatever Amy gave me completely worn off. I look over at my apparent friend who's face has become dark and twisted and angry. He glowers down at me with such intensity it catches my breath in my throat. Almost familiar.

"You _would_ be pissed that you're alive, wouldn't you?" He growled. "How fucking typical."

Suddenly I found myself angry. I wanted some answers and I was going to get them. "Who the Hell are you?" I demanded.

His eyes widened and he jerked back as if I'd slapped him. "What?"

"You heard me. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Stop it, Tris. This isn't funny."

"You're damn right it's not funny. Why do you keep calling me Tris?"

He turned his head slightly and looked down at me. I saw him swallow. "Tris..."

"Stop calling me Tris! Tell me who you are before I get you kicked out." I threatened.

"It's me, it's- it's Tobias."

I licked my lips and slowly shook my head at him. His face suddenly went calm and his eyes blank.

"Are you telling me," He said slowly. "That you have no idea who I am?"

As I opened my mouth to say no he jumped up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The crash of the door hitting the frame sent a chill down my spine. I blew out a breath of air, frustrated and confused. How was I supposed to know this guy? I rack my mind trying to remember who he was. He must live in Abnegation, but I was coming up blank. Remembering Abnegation I sat up higher and looked out the window of the room. I didn't see my parents or Caleb anywhere. Where were they?

The door opened quickly and Amy stood there looking at me. "Beatrice?"

"Where are my parents? Can you get them?"

She frowned and closed the door behind her. Pausing for a second, then grabbing a chair, the thick wooden legs scraping the floor as she pulled it over.

"Amy?"

She sat down gently. "I need to ask you those questions first. What is your name?"

"Beatrice Prior."

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen." I said exasperated.

"Good. And where do you live?"

"Abnegation."

She pursed her lips. "Do you remember... anything? Do you know what happened to you?"

"No? What am I supposed to remember? Where is my family?"

"Your brother is here. The nurses went to get him. Would you like to see him?"

"Yes!" Caleb is here but my parents weren't? Were they at a council meeting? I felt like screaming.

"I'll be right back." Amy said and left the room.

I sat alone for a few minutes wondering what was taking so long. The face of the man - Tobias - still in my head. He looked so worried about me. But also so angry. Angry at me for not knowing who he was. I must have been in some sort of accident. That's why I'm here. It wasn't long before Amy returned, Caleb behind her, his eyes red and puffy like he had been crying. When he saw me he gasped and ran to my side, wiping tears away and blubbering.

"Oh my God, Beatrice, oh my God. I'm so sorry." He laid his head on the bed and sobbed.

"Caleb. It's okay. Where are Mom and Dad?"

He slowly looked up at me, horrified, then looked at Amy. She nodded to him. "Don't- don't worry about that right now."

I felt that hot anger rise in me again, furious that I was being kept in the dark and constantly shut down. "What's going on? Caleb tell me right now."

"I can't, Beatrice. I'm not... supposed to."

I jerked up straight, startling Caleb. He sat back in his chair. "I've had _enough_ of being lied to. I want some answers and I want them _right now_!" I yelled the last part, my nostrils flaring and my teeth grinding. "I want my parents!"

Amy came over and placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder as he started to cry again. She thinned her lips and sighed. "Beatrice, we have a lot to talk about."


End file.
